In this essay, there’s a lot of changes that need to be worked on. All of the changes are minor. I think you should add more quotes from the essays that the class read. When you add the quotes you should have more detailed explanation. I think you thesis is needs to be worked on because it doesn’t have enough explanation for the reader. I loved how you stated your essay and really enjoyed reading it but to make it more interesting and even more enjoyable for the reader, you should add some stronger information and maybe a few more quotes to grab the reader’s eye. I think there is a lot of appealing information in this essay but could use a little cleanup on some of the paragraphs. There are a few changes I would consider doing to attract more readers. One thing you should be aware of is if you are preparing an essay for the class there should be more explained vital information so everyone would love the essay more! Overall you did a great job.
You manage to gesture at both your peer’s use of evidence and ideas. That’s great! Your marginal comments do a good job indicating when a moment needs clarification. You might consider adding an explanation for why you were confused.